Crown and Glory
6 Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,
and the glory of children is their fathers. Proverbs 17:6
Very few grandfather’s would argue the veracity of the first half of this verse. I’ve heard numerous versions of “grandkids are the reward for raising kids.” And while there may be a slight amount of tongue-in-cheek happening with those statements, it isn’t much.
Raising kids is genuinely hard work. You are given the task, by God, of shepherding, discipling - in a real sense, molding - this young man or woman into the person they are supposed to be. Add to that the reality, for many of us, that this is something you are doing with multiple children at a time, each of whom bring their own personalities, proclivities, and sins to the equation. Oh, and you’re responsible before God for your faithfulness to this task, so please don’t bother with excuses about how tired you are and how hard it is. It’s your job, so get going.
I can definitely see why, at the end of a couple or three decades of this work, having your kids bring the grandkids over to play has to be a grand reward. And if your kids are in turn raising godly offspring, then that truly is the definition of a crown.
But let’s flip the script for a moment and examine the second half of this verse. The glory of children is their fathers. I read that verse and two questions immediately arise:
Do I glory in my father? This is tough. My honest answer would be “no.” And while I might start a laundry list of excuses here, I think the honest truth is that this is a shortcoming in my obedience to the fifth commandment. The first commandment with a promise: “That it may go well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.”
What are the traits in my father which I ought to positively be thankful for, express my thanks for, and glory in? What would it mean for me to pursue honoring my father in this way. That’s a convicting question I ask myself as I read this verse.
Of course there are the perfunctory caveats. Many folks on this earth have poor fathers. Some fathers are worse than poor. But Scripture never qualifies its commands to honor authority, beginning in the home. So the question still needs to sit there, as a burr under my saddle. And probably yours, too.
How can I be the sort of father that my children truly do glory in, without needing to wring their hands over it? How can I be the sort of father who my children naturally look up to and admire, come to for advice, and see as an example to follow? The obvious answer, given that we’re in Proverbs, is to pursue the path of wisdom. To put New Testament feet on that, it is to openly acknowledge and repent of sin (including sin against them), gratefully receive the grace and forgiveness of Christ offered in the gospel, and pursue to the joyful obedience that flows from a forgiven heart. To look forward, trusting in the promises of God toward those who love him and obey him - including his promises concerning childrearing.
That last line might bring a final application that is counterintuitive to some, but which has been a resounding theme in conversations I’ve had lately so I’ll put it down here: one of the reasons your children will respect and honor your place in their life, fathers, is if you choose to exercise your God-given authority in a biblical manner. This means you need to be:
proactively involved in their lives in positive ways (affirmative words, fun time together, there for their activities - basically, not checked out).
actively thinking about how to shape and mold them- what are the experiences, training, instruction (biblical, academic, vocational, etc.) they need in order to live the life God is calling them to? How can you help them receive those things?
diligent to discipline. Children won’t glory in a father they don’t respect. They will not receive instruction from anyone if they don’t learn to receive it first from you. And sometimes that instruction must be painful and corrective (see Hebrews 12).
I want to be the kind of dad that my kids, 40 years from now, are able to look back and thank God for.
